In Need of Anger Management

Yesterday I was driving back to work after running some errands on my lunch break, and I needed to stop and get a decongestant for my throbbing head. My sinuses were killing me, and I was already feeling worse than I had that morning. I pulled into the parking lot of a CVS pharmacy, and saw that an elderly woman in a wheelchair had just come out of the store. She was coming down the small ramp to the parking lot when one of the wheels on her wheelchair slipped over the edge. She was stuck; she couldn't move forward or backward, and she was leaning at a dangerous angle. (I know this sounds like a pre-arranged hidden-camera test for a boy scout, like a cat getting stuck in a tree or a pregnant woman struggling to carry a heavy package. Will the boy scout climb the tree and save the cat? How quickly will he assist the pregnant woman?) I parked as quickly as I could so that I could go and help her. By the time I got out of my car, her chair had tipped over and she was lying on her side on the pavement. As I got within 20 feet of her, a man came walking out of the pharmacy. I was relieved, since I wasn't sure how well I would be able to lift her up; I didn't know if she would be able to support some of her own weight while I righted her wheelchair, and I didn't know if she had been hurt when her chair fell over. The man was walking with a purposeful stride, as if he was running a bit late, so when he walked past the woman I thought maybe he was so preoccupied that he hadn't seen her. I shouted, "Hey!" and before I could request that he give me a hand, he responded in explanation, "Sorry, I'm in a hurry." What? He didn't even break his arrogant stride when he spoke to me, nor did he look me in the eye, which I can only hope means he felt at least some small amount of shame for not stopping. What human being could walk past this woman without stopping to help her? How can that possibly be justifiable? I'm in a hurry. What a lame excuse.

I felt such an immediate surge of anger that I was at odds with myself over whether to chase him down and hurt him physically (and perhaps permanently) or stay and help the woman who was lying on the ground. Of course I stayed and helped the woman, but I admit I wanted nothing more than to give that man a verbal and physical lashing. Anyone who has seen me get angry knows that I don't hold back. It takes a lot to make me angry; most things aren't worth the trouble. But I was feeling unmistakable rage toward the guy. If it had been his mother lying there, wouldn't he have wanted someone to help? Was it pure arrogance? I'm so important that whatever is going on in my life today (probably a stupid sales meeting) is much more pressing than helping some old lady I don't even know.

I've never had all that much faith in humanity. In fact, I'm much more of a cynic than anything else. I strongly believe in helping other people, which is why I have pursued a degree in social work, and why I have volunteered my efforts in so many capacities. But I am far from naive. I have learned how selfish and hurtful people can be. I understand how easy it is for some people to hurt others, whether by violence or simply neglect. I had an experience that taught me how fragile our lives and our bodies are, and how easily they can be taken away. And yet I was surprised when this man just kept walking.

I helped the woman back into her wheelchair. She had hit her head on the pavement and scraped it. Her hand was scraped and already bruising, and she said her shoulder hurt. A moment later a woman came out of the CVS and rushed over to us. It was the elderly woman's daughter, who took her mother back inside to be looked at by a security guard and a pharmacy technician. They would decide whether to call an ambulance. I walked back to my car, shaking with anger, feeling like I could burst from the amount of animosity I was holding in. I didn't even go in to get the medicine I had stopped for. I just went back to work, shaking my head, trying to convince myself that 9 people out of 10 would have stopped to help. I often have to remind myself that there are many good people in the world, that not everyone is a self-centered jackass. But on days like yesterday, it sure isn't easy.